add2watchlist: lookin 4 the love in life + spring heels ❥

Feb 16, 2025

“bring me back at the end” these words stuck with me as I cried on a park bench outside the Rothko Chapel last Sunday. to see something so beautiful, it would be the last thing you’d ever want to see..my therapist asked me last week, what does grief mean to me? I thought about others who visited the chapel that same day. some wrote sweet and sad words in the little book outside the chapel’s main room, “if you see a butterfly, you’ll know.”

grief means independence and acceptance, and also heart-bursting-at-the-seams kind-of pain. it means clinging to miracles and leaning on random precious coincidences from the world to find more direction in life. a hope that these messages can help us organize our jumbled-up emotions, or just give us one simple reason to keep moving forward. I cling to the memory of the empty calmness I felt staring at the blue-black painted canvasses inside the chapel. I clutch onto dopamine hits from new songs and memories that make me feel something, anything. I hug myself warmly and welcome my tears and ridiculously large feelings with open arms..lately, these are the things keeping me going -